Why write this blog

My photo
It is a way of giving my other self, my unconscious and perhaps artistic self, a way of expressing itself, and thereby helping me working things out. It is somewhat cathartic in a positive way. :)

14 June, 2010


Why is that I always have to get overly excited and just go that one step too far?
I always say too much, do too much, feel too much.
Just a little bit over the top and too intense for the vast majority of people. I think that's how I scare people away. I don't know I'm just crazy I guess...

PS - Note to self: do not send anyone XIX century poetry and expect them to like it / understand it

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

13 June, 2010

Saturday 12th June

Today was a good day. Today could be the first day of the rest of my life.

09 June, 2010

On the nature of writing and others

I can't believe it's been another 9 days since my last blog post, I must be like the worst blogger in history so irregular are my posts. Which is fine since hardly anyone reads it anyway :)

But as I write mainly for myself I probably should make more of an effort. The truth of course, is that you always kinda want someone to read what you write, and comment on it, whether it's good (so you can feel all warm and mushy inside) or it's bad (so you can be angry and refute everything point by point).

My blog entries seem to follow a pattern in all of my writing. Before I had a blog I used to actually physically write (not "computer-write" which is typing!). On a notebook, or several or A4 sheets of paper. All in similar to a blog really, some kind of a personal diary journal thing when I felt like it, which is exactly what a blog is, except other people can read it because  it's on the internet, with all its pros and cons.

Anyway, the pattern is that I tend to write more when I am feeling negative stuff, vaguely depressed, unhappy, hurt or frustrated. I have always found in writing an escape that I never have with anything else, be it music, alcohol or going out, which is just as well because it's much cheaper and healthier!

This blog was born out of frustration and hurt and confusion. It was initially called Wallowing in Self-Pity. And wallow I did. I got my heart broken. I was almost with other people because of it and because of her. But I sorted it out. And I stopped wallowing, and changed the name of the blog. And I guess the nature of the posts changed slightly. But still the overall main reason for writing still seems to be when I'm in a down mood. I don't want to, I really want to just write, to have the consistency and determination and discipline to write every day, or every other day. Unconsciously or not, I just don't.

I don't because I don't feel the need. And unless I think about it or I am sitting at my computer I just don't write. It really has become a sort of anti-depression drug for me. I take it and depending on the severity of the condition it takes a few days or a few weeks to heal.

Hm. Strange. But that's me, strange. My friend hates it when I say that I'm weird. But I like being strange and different. Let's call it quirky...

So, I survived the work craziness, and it looks set to continue, but for now I have a few days off. Roll on the football.

Decided not to go the festival, for several reasons. It's going to be raining loads, I would have had hardly any time to buy stuff and get ready, it's just five days I can go next year, I decided to utilise the money and buy myself a shiny new TV which was what I intended to use my bonus for in the first place anyway and I reasoned that I will use for more than 5 days (besides the World Cup is about to start so this was a good time) and in this way I can help out the guys at work since the craziness is set to continue.

Have had some interesting internet conversations and texts. Things are developing that can transform into new things. Not holding out much hope, but it's something. Which is generally regarded as better than nothing, apparently. So I'm kinda of apprehensive, sceptical, and hopeful all in one.

We'll see what the future brings.