Why write this blog

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It is a way of giving my other self, my unconscious and perhaps artistic self, a way of expressing itself, and thereby helping me working things out. It is somewhat cathartic in a positive way. :)

21 October, 2011

I had a daydream

I did, I've had it for some time actually, but it came to me again, today.
It wasn't a revelation earth-shattering and awe-inspiring Martin Luther King kind of dream.
No, it was very basic, very personal and very vague.

I had this daydream.
About a girl.
She makes me feel...
I would drive miles to see her.
She wouldn't know, it had to be a surprise.
She makes me laugh...
I would go into a shop and buy her something special.
Flowers is the obvious one but it wouldn't work.
She makes me wonder...
It'd be something else, bought impulsively and on the spur of the moment.
Because I wouldn't go to her.
She makes me doubt...
No, I would wait for her.
See her from a distance.
She makes me irrational...
Wait for her to notice me.
See her reaction.
She makes me cautious...
A furtive glance at first.
Then, confusion, disbelief maybe.
She makes me feel impulsive...
A proper look then, acknowledging my presence.
She would come over.
She makes me feel insecure...
I would look into her eyes.
Hers would meet mine.
She makes me feel...
And I would know.

What I would know I'm unsure.
What happens after that is hazy. Vague.
I know what I would want it to happen.
I fear what might happen.
I don't want to think about what would really happen.

I would want to meet her and kiss her and for it to be a great romantic moment like in the movies.
It scares me that I could get anger and recrimination and we would fall out irreparably.
Most likely it would be awkward and difficult, we would say hi and nothing would happen and it'd just be the most casual thing.

But I can daydream.
That I would wait for her.
Outside her work.
That I would somehow rent a white horse.
There would be a commotion no doubt.
She would come out and see me there.
I would ride by and dismount.
It would be an Officer and a Gentleman scene then.
She would be so embarrassed shocked and laughing at the same time.
I would kiss her and ask her to ride with me.
I would sweep her off her feet and we would ride away.
It would be a wild ride...