Why write this blog

My photo
It is a way of giving my other self, my unconscious and perhaps artistic self, a way of expressing itself, and thereby helping me working things out. It is somewhat cathartic in a positive way. :)

27 February, 2010


"When were you at the most happiest?"

As I heard this question I could not help but think back on my life and reflect upon which times I have been happiest.

And even though I am entirely convinced that happiness is a frugal and deceiving concept, which can only be measured in terms of moments and instants in time, I did immediately identified a few of those times in my mind.

I was at my happiest when I was promoted at my first job, all the way back in 1995 at the beginning of my adult life and I thoroughly enjoyed what I was doing then as an Export Marketing Assistant.

Immediately after that was my time at university, particularly my second year, where the people iI had met during my first year had become my friends and I had a grand time, living with people that became my best friends, in the city centre where our house was more often than not the meeting point for several nights and days of fun, and enjoying university and the potential that the future could hold, when all was open to possibilities and anything that could happen was at least more than a year away. The fact that I had fallen in love, truly, for the first time may have also contributed to that sense of freedom, realisation and genuine belief in the future that year.

To a certain extent, the last few months I have also been at the happiest I have been for quite some time, for varying reasons, but on the back of some poorly few months it is difficult to evaluate the last times objectively.

I can recall several moments of happiness, and these can happen at any time, any time at all, even if and when your life may not been going quite the way it should be.

As Carrie was told in the Sex & The City film "You will laugh again when something really really funny happens." which is so very true. We have a great capacity for compartmentalisation and adaptation!

As they say, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times"...

17 February, 2010

Near future, bright?

Thanks to my workplace and a lot of hardwork of my colleagues last year we won a great award last year, Cinema of the Year 2009. With it comes not only recognition which is of course most welcome, but good financial reward.
A decent bonus, free of tax, which is not going to make me rich but it can sort out my most immediate difficulties and can set me in very good stead for my near future.
I'm scared, scared I won't make the most of it, that I will not take this opportunity in the best possible way, I know that historically I have not been the best at coordinating my finances.
At the same time I'm excited at the changes I can make, little as they may be. Because those small changes can have a tremendous impact on me, personally and socially it can allow me to express the inner me and allow me to do things and be who I want to be.
So much I have changed in myself and this could be the catalyst to make it permanent,
Which is why the near future could be very bright for me, and it frightens me that I will undermine all that unconsciously by being reckless...

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01 February, 2010

Moving On

It's time to move on. Really?
I thought I had. On two different occasions in the last 6 months. You really don't know how things are going to turn out do you?
About 9 months ago I moved away from difficult living arrangements. Since then, I have fallen in and out of love getting my heart broken in the process, got into trouble at work after being unjustly been accused if harassment, upset my bosses and had a really long look at my life. Those were dark days indeed last Summer.

For the last 3 months though, things have started
to look up. I have met a mentor who forced me to change what I was already in the process of realising I had to change. I have resolved things at home partially. I have changed my personal look, I am more sociable. I got more responsabilities at work as I wanted.
And now... well now I feel it is time to move on once again, to endure yet more change, to complete the cycle sort to speak.
But what does that mean? What does it entail? I don't want to hurt anyone by doing it, far from it. Even if I believe that sometimes you have to be a little selfish and think of yourself.
We'll see, I'm sure surprises are in store, especially given the recent turbulent year I have just experienced...

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