Why write this blog

My photo
It is a way of giving my other self, my unconscious and perhaps artistic self, a way of expressing itself, and thereby helping me working things out. It is somewhat cathartic in a positive way. :)

17 May, 2011

Helpless romantic


I wish I could grow more in some departments. I have grown more in the last year and half than in the previous seven! I Don't think I've changed dramatically, I just have a far more positive attitude, although in some cases I have chosen to conform. Romantically though, I'm far too naive, which for someone my age is a bit silly. I was watching a film earlier and I've realised that I look at love and relationships like some desperately innocent teenager. I lack the fundamental and necessary skills to woo someone. I lack the ability to come up with witty remarks. I am hopeless at small talk. Too much of a coward at key times. Alas. Annoyingly I don't really see a way out of this. It's one of them spiral situations, a bit like getting your first job straight out if uni, you can't get a job because you have no experience and you can't get experience because you can't get a job! One of two things have to happen either go for voluntary work to get experience or someone takes a chance on you (or you know someone but that's altogether different and paramount to cheating). How these transfer into the field of love & relationships I don't know. I always thought & believed that when you met the right person you would know, know that you met the right person and that you would know what to do. For a long while you can believe that you're just unlucky, the circumstances didn't help, but then that just don't wash anymore and you got wonder right?

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You don't need a pre-defined path to undertake a personal voyage of self-discovery
True, if it's a well-known path known for a thousand years it'll certainly be less lonely
You'll have a chance to connect to similar-minded people or at least similarly-motivated people to aspire to reach somewhere and wait for a miracle
The destination is less important than the journey as anything in life, we need to enjoy and cherish moments, nurture and relish relationships, love and appreciate friends and lovers
But this is not always easy if what you feel is more often than not hopelessness or apathy, when you can't discern the path ahead of you or accept the life you have chosen
Life though, is not a choice, it's to be lived, and only when you embrace it wholeheartedly, regardless of what you're doing or where you are or who you're with, can it be lived and enjoyed
To be able to see this sometimes it'll take "outside" help
It might be a friend that points it out, or a comment from a complete stranger, a remark from a new friend that has a fresh perspective, a line in movie, a sentence in a book
Yet still it might not get through, you have to be able to feel it, to really feel it deep inside, but for that you have to be receptive to change, and eager for a different way
The proverbial kick up the arse
Or is that too simplistic?
All I know is that you can have a journey of personal self-discovery without leaving where you are, the location is not important, however it may be that you need to get away from everything even if just for a few days
Going away is always an option, the lure of travel can be very appealing especially if you crave knowledge and beauty and discover new worlds

I don't know where I'm going with this. There's not a conclusion necessarily, it's more a reflection. An attempt at trying to understand what motivates us, how we can change ourselves, how we can learn and grow.

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13 May, 2011

It makes me smile

To hear the laughter
See the smile
And enjoy the natural and sincere bonhomie
Of spending time with friends

To feel loved
And love back without restraints
Those who want to spend time with you
Friends and family alike

To feel the sun on my skin
Watch the sunlight playfully light up the sea
Hear the sound of the waves crashing lightly on the shore
And then write all these up as I recall them

Because it is for these and because of these and for the hope of more such moments
That we endure others less enjoyable
Without the latter you cannot have the former nor can you truly appreciate them
This indeed is what makes one smile, to be able to accept both as part of the same
Such as we call life

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12 May, 2011

Three weeks

We don't really talk
I don't really see you
Thoughts do not become words
They remain in my head unsaid
Time passes and the longer it does the harder it is
To say something or do anything
I left it all and not acted
For fear it would make it all worse and have you hate me
But now I feel that may have been foolish
Yet that may not be so, maybe not pushing and rushing into anything is a good thing
I wish...
I just wish we could be together and talk
Look into each other eyes and know
Whether to kiss or hug or walk away
Am I too much of a hopeless romantic to believe in that?
All I know is that time passes...

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04 May, 2011

Fading, fading, faded gone!

Ah nuts.

At least I know though, that I can love again (was it love?) and not just to forget someone else.

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