Why write this blog

My photo
It is a way of giving my other self, my unconscious and perhaps artistic self, a way of expressing itself, and thereby helping me working things out. It is somewhat cathartic in a positive way. :)

16 January, 2010


In recent times I have felt, wondered and reflected upon the nature of duality in our lives.

How strange it is that you can be at the same time sad yet able to laugh, how can it be that you can feel sadness and a feeling of loss at the passing of someone you had a brief acquaintance yet respected immensely but can still live your life, go to work, laugh and perform as if nothing had happened.

This I've felt in recent days with the passing of a fellow blogger. But in analogy, I have also felt the effect of this kind of duality in other ways. I have been the most positive and outgoing in the last few weeks than I've been in the last few years, yet at times I still feel a level of boredom and restlessness that I cannot pinpoint.

We have all heard and some felt the old "you can be alone whilst surrounded by many people" and this too I've been feeling at times. I wonder whether I'm too old to live with other people and if I should just have my own space, yet at the same time I fear what that means for my long term future in case I do meet a loved one, how could I build a life sharing a house with someone else.

I have always held my Friends in the greatest regard and I have been lucky to maintain those relations despite time and distance apart however, they ARE far away, and if I get sad or bored or anxious or restless I'm on my own. Many people I know now and that live near me are friends from work, and there are some people whom I could truly become serious friends with, but we're not there yet. I wonder if we will. Logic dictates that time and experiences shared will realise that, but will these come to pass?

I have wondered in the past and I'm having the same feeling now of starting anew, move on, to a different city, or country, in essence start a new life. But I do not want to quit my job, especially now that I'm on the cusp of a great challenge, which I have desired and asked for for some years. And I don't want to lose those friendships in the making. Again is that duality of feelings emerging.

Should I stay or should I go?...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

07 January, 2010

The World is Less Colourful

I'm borrowing from you Kim, but I couldn't agree more.

The world has lost someone beautiful, with a great capacity to communicate, inspire and entertain.

His stories were a joy to read. His words were wise, with a touch of humour, sarcasm and silliness mixed in with a lot of life experience.

He made his friends laugh. He was a Friend, a Confidant, an Artist and a Writer.

All the people who knew him will mourn and miss him. Those who were really close will miss him terribly and are suffering a lot. Those of us who knew him only through the ethereal internet blogosphere cloud, through his writing, sharing and comments will also miss him inexplicably, such is the unreal nature of this strange connection via internet.

I want to leave with a link to his blog so that everyone can read his posts. And a link to the Tribute page on facebook so that everyone can see how much he was loved.

http://yellowson.org/  You will forever be part of my blogroll.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Sang-Yoon-Lee-Tribute-Page/238196071414 People showing their love

I want to leave once again with words that are not mine, from someone that has suffered immensely in her past but found a friend like no other in Sang:

"Lend meaning to a meaningless situation.  Death for humans is the same as it is for stars.  Our matter and meaning flows from us into our universe.  Happily, we live in an era where the matter and meaning of Sang’s life can exchange phone numbers and email addresses.  We’re forced to accept our collective being can never be reconstituted, but we can exchange words that allow us to feel whole again.  Lend meaning to a meaningless situation."

How very right you are...

06 January, 2010

To Sang

Thank for your words, for your advice, for your kindness.
You made me think, made me take stock, made me feel better.
I never knew you in person but I felt like we shared a lot of ideas and situations.
I can't believe you are gone, I don't know how to feel, I don't what to say or write.
You were my first virtual friend, and I feel that with your death a part of me is gone.
Your words will live on in those of us that knew through your blog and your memories will live on in your close friends.
I can tell that you touched a lot of people by reading peoples' contributions. (and I don't mean just sexually!!, I just know you had made a joke about that line).
I will miss you. My only regret is not being able to be in Jersey on Thursday.
Goodbye Friend.

02 January, 2010


It's a new year. Anew decade. But it's also just a number. Some more time of our existence which we have attributed importance due to an archaic calendar construction, based loosely on events that used to have meaning, like the moon cycles, the sun cycle, harvest time and others that we have lost knowledge of.

This may sound a little pessimistic, but I like to call it pragmatic. There's nothing with celebrating a new year, but I simply find that it holds far less significance that what it's advertised and preached for by the media. It's another excuse for a holiday, consumerism and waste.

I don't have anything against big parties and I suppose it's kinda positive that the whole world joins in celebration (albeit at different times of the day depending on which time zone they're in, which I find in itself ironic!).

It's the same with Christmas and Father's Day and Mother's Day and Valentine's Day. They're days creating by big multinationals to convince us to spend money. I don't need specific days of the year to be good to my family and my friends. Don't need an excuse to buy someone a present, don't need somebody to tell me that I have to remember my dad, or my mum, or my family, or my partner on a specific day of the year. Each and every one of us already has that, it's called our birthday. And what about the rest of the year? Do we just forget all about it? Are we excused from it?

Generosity and affection don't need marked days on the calendar. You either exercise or not. Daily, on your everyday life. Show compassion. Understanding. Give love to people around you.

I truly if we all forgot a little bit about the media and convention and all the things forced upon us form outside and concentrated that little bit harder on the smaller and finer details of life, on the people we speak to every day, whom we can have an effect on, then this world would be much simpler, our lives much richer, and ourselves much happier.