Dualities

In recent times I have felt, wondered and reflected upon the nature of duality in our lives.

How strange it is that you can be at the same time sad yet able to laugh, how can it be that you can feel sadness and a feeling of loss at the passing of someone you had a brief acquaintance yet respected immensely but can still live your life, go to work, laugh and perform as if nothing had happened.

This I've felt in recent days with the passing of a fellow blogger. But in analogy, I have also felt the effect of this kind of duality in other ways. I have been the most positive and outgoing in the last few weeks than I've been in the last few years, yet at times I still feel a level of boredom and restlessness that I cannot pinpoint.

We have all heard and some felt the old "you can be alone whilst surrounded by many people" and this too I've been feeling at times. I wonder whether I'm too old to live with other people and if I should just have my own space, yet at the same time I fear what that means for my long term future in case I do meet a loved one, how could I build a life sharing a house with someone else.

I have always held my Friends in the greatest regard and I have been lucky to maintain those relations despite time and distance apart however, they ARE far away, and if I get sad or bored or anxious or restless I'm on my own. Many people I know now and that live near me are friends from work, and there are some people whom I could truly become serious friends with, but we're not there yet. I wonder if we will. Logic dictates that time and experiences shared will realise that, but will these come to pass?

I have wondered in the past and I'm having the same feeling now of starting anew, move on, to a different city, or country, in essence start a new life. But I do not want to quit my job, especially now that I'm on the cusp of a great challenge, which I have desired and asked for for some years. And I don't want to lose those friendships in the making. Again is that duality of feelings emerging.

Should I stay or should I go?...


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