Why write this blog

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It is a way of giving my other self, my unconscious and perhaps artistic self, a way of expressing itself, and thereby helping me working things out. It is somewhat cathartic in a positive way. :)

21 December, 2013

Deciding Moments II

I always meant to follow up on the first post called Momentous Decisions, can't believe that well over a year has past since. Don't really know why I haven't, I mean Summer 2012 and indeed most of 2012 was not one of my better years but I guess at the bottom of it there was perhaps a fear to examine things too much in my adult life.
Don't even know where to begin, I guess chronologically and what I remember, because they'll be the ones that matter.

Well, at the age of 17, fresh out of school and applying to university for the first time wishing to do Medicine as I had always wanted since I was 6. I suppose even at the time it was so incredibly hard to get the required average that you couldn't take it too seriously, possibly, but certainly the decision to play a computer game with my friend instead of revising for the national exam (específica de biologia) was momentous and a critical lack of responsibility, both me and him have laughed somewhat awkwardly about that day, it was crazy.

I then went and got my first job an indeed I did very well, I was working in the export department. I don't recall exactly the sequence if events but I believe I was getting to the end of my contract and the company were deciding whether to keep me or not as I had made a big fuss about applying for university that year. Well, my revision was poor at best, revising whilst watching football is not the best idea (Euro 96 was on I believe) but, at work, I decided to write this letter to my line manager outlining the pros and cons of keeping me. I was advised that that was probably not the best idea and it turned out they did not offer me a new contract. Was it the letter? I'll never know but certainly if I had stayed there life would have turned very differently.

07 December, 2013



"Most of life's most memorable moments are over quickly, almost before they begin.

And they take up very little of our life as a whole.

However, some moments cast an immense light into the future.

And make the people who made those moments unforgettable."

You did, and I shan't ever forget you and those moments.

I've made a decision, a decision to let you go and not chase you, and I should be proud of that decision. I can hold my head high and indeed keep my head up. Which should give me strength. Strength to overcome the longing and the sadness.

I may yet overcome it. Deep down I understand I have the capacity to reconnect with another person. I feel I can love someone else. Yes, I think I can.

But I shan't ever forget you and the shadow the light of those moments cast will be forever with me.

I can never forget. Never forget you and never forget that once... once there was an us.