Why write this blog

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It is a way of giving my other self, my unconscious and perhaps artistic self, a way of expressing itself, and thereby helping me working things out. It is somewhat cathartic in a positive way. :)

28 June, 2011

The impact of confidence and self-delusion

Is it possible that a lot of loneliness out there simply exists out of the fact that everyone thinks they're not good enough?

Not good enough for a certain job. Not good enough for a girl. We go through half our life thinking we're something we're not and the other half paying the price for that delusion.

When you're young, 18, 19, 20 you think you can do anything. You believe that, you're on top of the world, everything is possible and within reach. I mean there are doubts but you push them away, far far deep inside.

Then life catches up, things haven't quite worked out as they were meant to, certainly not as you envisaged it. So the doubts creep in. And you start to think you're not good enough.

On the other side there are those people that are confident or have that outside look of authority, and self-confidence, certain of their convictions. They project that image and that image can be frightening to a lot of people. Because they look impressive, with their certainty and their self-assured look, they are "good", you know, they won't "mix" with the other kind.

When in truth deep down everyone is assaulted by the same doubts, the same restlessness, the same feelings, the same desires.

But because someone looks a bit prettier, or dresses up a little better or appears more composed they are out of reach, out of all the others, poorer mortals, less pretty, with an unsophisticated fashion sense and outward fragility.

So one half wonders what's wrong with them that no one approaches them and the other half is too cowed to even attempt it.

Of course, all this is a somewhat simplistic and understated. You would think that everyone is always alone and obviously that's not the case. The world is not black and white divided into two halves. It's colourful with lots of shades of grey.

People have relationships. Some of those work very well. Of those a few resist the test of time. Which is wonderful. You see those stories plastered over movies and books making you believe that's what the world is like.

But as I said before, the world has shades of grey. Some people don't have relationships. Beautiful people don't always lead happy lives. Rich people are quite often unhappy. Nothing is guaranteed. There's no plan, no single line to take.

And, I have no conclusion to draw. Simply, a reflexion. That a lot if heartache and some happiness is stifled by the fear that you're not good enough.

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