It's been so long since I've had holidays in the Summer I think I'd almost forgotten what it's like.
The sky is a delicious light blue with not a cloud in sight, not even a wisp of a cloud.
The sun reigns supreme and it lends everything a brilliance and colour unmatched.
The sea revels in this, casting magical brief reflections in its undulation to the shore. It's colour is all blue, from the darker, stronger, blue of the far away deep to the mild blue nearer the coast, and that particular blue-green in the shallow areas of the beach.
It's hot. You can hardly walk on the sand, it burns your feet, sitting on your towel relaxing and despite all the heat, and of course because of it, you are still drenched, in sweat, as your body tries to adjust to the surrounding environment. There's only solution: go in the sea. Swim, under water, letting its welcoming wetness refresh your body.
There's no sensation like it.
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Why write this blog
- P
- It is a way of giving my other self, my unconscious and perhaps artistic self, a way of expressing itself, and thereby helping me working things out. It is somewhat cathartic in a positive way. :)
07 July, 2011
28 June, 2011
The impact of confidence and self-delusion
Is it possible that a lot of loneliness out there simply exists out of the fact that everyone thinks they're not good enough?
Not good enough for a certain job. Not good enough for a girl. We go through half our life thinking we're something we're not and the other half paying the price for that delusion.
When you're young, 18, 19, 20 you think you can do anything. You believe that, you're on top of the world, everything is possible and within reach. I mean there are doubts but you push them away, far far deep inside.
Then life catches up, things haven't quite worked out as they were meant to, certainly not as you envisaged it. So the doubts creep in. And you start to think you're not good enough.
On the other side there are those people that are confident or have that outside look of authority, and self-confidence, certain of their convictions. They project that image and that image can be frightening to a lot of people. Because they look impressive, with their certainty and their self-assured look, they are "good", you know, they won't "mix" with the other kind.
When in truth deep down everyone is assaulted by the same doubts, the same restlessness, the same feelings, the same desires.
But because someone looks a bit prettier, or dresses up a little better or appears more composed they are out of reach, out of all the others, poorer mortals, less pretty, with an unsophisticated fashion sense and outward fragility.
So one half wonders what's wrong with them that no one approaches them and the other half is too cowed to even attempt it.
Of course, all this is a somewhat simplistic and understated. You would think that everyone is always alone and obviously that's not the case. The world is not black and white divided into two halves. It's colourful with lots of shades of grey.
People have relationships. Some of those work very well. Of those a few resist the test of time. Which is wonderful. You see those stories plastered over movies and books making you believe that's what the world is like.
But as I said before, the world has shades of grey. Some people don't have relationships. Beautiful people don't always lead happy lives. Rich people are quite often unhappy. Nothing is guaranteed. There's no plan, no single line to take.
And, I have no conclusion to draw. Simply, a reflexion. That a lot if heartache and some happiness is stifled by the fear that you're not good enough.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Not good enough for a certain job. Not good enough for a girl. We go through half our life thinking we're something we're not and the other half paying the price for that delusion.
When you're young, 18, 19, 20 you think you can do anything. You believe that, you're on top of the world, everything is possible and within reach. I mean there are doubts but you push them away, far far deep inside.
Then life catches up, things haven't quite worked out as they were meant to, certainly not as you envisaged it. So the doubts creep in. And you start to think you're not good enough.
On the other side there are those people that are confident or have that outside look of authority, and self-confidence, certain of their convictions. They project that image and that image can be frightening to a lot of people. Because they look impressive, with their certainty and their self-assured look, they are "good", you know, they won't "mix" with the other kind.
When in truth deep down everyone is assaulted by the same doubts, the same restlessness, the same feelings, the same desires.
But because someone looks a bit prettier, or dresses up a little better or appears more composed they are out of reach, out of all the others, poorer mortals, less pretty, with an unsophisticated fashion sense and outward fragility.
So one half wonders what's wrong with them that no one approaches them and the other half is too cowed to even attempt it.
Of course, all this is a somewhat simplistic and understated. You would think that everyone is always alone and obviously that's not the case. The world is not black and white divided into two halves. It's colourful with lots of shades of grey.
People have relationships. Some of those work very well. Of those a few resist the test of time. Which is wonderful. You see those stories plastered over movies and books making you believe that's what the world is like.
But as I said before, the world has shades of grey. Some people don't have relationships. Beautiful people don't always lead happy lives. Rich people are quite often unhappy. Nothing is guaranteed. There's no plan, no single line to take.
And, I have no conclusion to draw. Simply, a reflexion. That a lot if heartache and some happiness is stifled by the fear that you're not good enough.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
17 May, 2011
Helpless romantic
Sigh.
I wish I could grow more in some departments. I have grown more in the last year and half than in the previous seven! I Don't think I've changed dramatically, I just have a far more positive attitude, although in some cases I have chosen to conform. Romantically though, I'm far too naive, which for someone my age is a bit silly. I was watching a film earlier and I've realised that I look at love and relationships like some desperately innocent teenager. I lack the fundamental and necessary skills to woo someone. I lack the ability to come up with witty remarks. I am hopeless at small talk. Too much of a coward at key times. Alas. Annoyingly I don't really see a way out of this. It's one of them spiral situations, a bit like getting your first job straight out if uni, you can't get a job because you have no experience and you can't get experience because you can't get a job! One of two things have to happen either go for voluntary work to get experience or someone takes a chance on you (or you know someone but that's altogether different and paramount to cheating). How these transfer into the field of love & relationships I don't know. I always thought & believed that when you met the right person you would know, know that you met the right person and that you would know what to do. For a long while you can believe that you're just unlucky, the circumstances didn't help, but then that just don't wash anymore and you got wonder right?
Wtf?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I wish I could grow more in some departments. I have grown more in the last year and half than in the previous seven! I Don't think I've changed dramatically, I just have a far more positive attitude, although in some cases I have chosen to conform. Romantically though, I'm far too naive, which for someone my age is a bit silly. I was watching a film earlier and I've realised that I look at love and relationships like some desperately innocent teenager. I lack the fundamental and necessary skills to woo someone. I lack the ability to come up with witty remarks. I am hopeless at small talk. Too much of a coward at key times. Alas. Annoyingly I don't really see a way out of this. It's one of them spiral situations, a bit like getting your first job straight out if uni, you can't get a job because you have no experience and you can't get experience because you can't get a job! One of two things have to happen either go for voluntary work to get experience or someone takes a chance on you (or you know someone but that's altogether different and paramount to cheating). How these transfer into the field of love & relationships I don't know. I always thought & believed that when you met the right person you would know, know that you met the right person and that you would know what to do. For a long while you can believe that you're just unlucky, the circumstances didn't help, but then that just don't wash anymore and you got wonder right?
Wtf?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Journey
You don't need a pre-defined path to undertake a personal voyage of self-discovery
True, if it's a well-known path known for a thousand years it'll certainly be less lonely
You'll have a chance to connect to similar-minded people or at least similarly-motivated people to aspire to reach somewhere and wait for a miracle
The destination is less important than the journey as anything in life, we need to enjoy and cherish moments, nurture and relish relationships, love and appreciate friends and lovers
But this is not always easy if what you feel is more often than not hopelessness or apathy, when you can't discern the path ahead of you or accept the life you have chosen
Life though, is not a choice, it's to be lived, and only when you embrace it wholeheartedly, regardless of what you're doing or where you are or who you're with, can it be lived and enjoyed
To be able to see this sometimes it'll take "outside" help
It might be a friend that points it out, or a comment from a complete stranger, a remark from a new friend that has a fresh perspective, a line in movie, a sentence in a book
Yet still it might not get through, you have to be able to feel it, to really feel it deep inside, but for that you have to be receptive to change, and eager for a different way
The proverbial kick up the arse
Or is that too simplistic?
All I know is that you can have a journey of personal self-discovery without leaving where you are, the location is not important, however it may be that you need to get away from everything even if just for a few days
Going away is always an option, the lure of travel can be very appealing especially if you crave knowledge and beauty and discover new worlds
I don't know where I'm going with this. There's not a conclusion necessarily, it's more a reflection. An attempt at trying to understand what motivates us, how we can change ourselves, how we can learn and grow.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
True, if it's a well-known path known for a thousand years it'll certainly be less lonely
You'll have a chance to connect to similar-minded people or at least similarly-motivated people to aspire to reach somewhere and wait for a miracle
The destination is less important than the journey as anything in life, we need to enjoy and cherish moments, nurture and relish relationships, love and appreciate friends and lovers
But this is not always easy if what you feel is more often than not hopelessness or apathy, when you can't discern the path ahead of you or accept the life you have chosen
Life though, is not a choice, it's to be lived, and only when you embrace it wholeheartedly, regardless of what you're doing or where you are or who you're with, can it be lived and enjoyed
To be able to see this sometimes it'll take "outside" help
It might be a friend that points it out, or a comment from a complete stranger, a remark from a new friend that has a fresh perspective, a line in movie, a sentence in a book
Yet still it might not get through, you have to be able to feel it, to really feel it deep inside, but for that you have to be receptive to change, and eager for a different way
The proverbial kick up the arse
Or is that too simplistic?
All I know is that you can have a journey of personal self-discovery without leaving where you are, the location is not important, however it may be that you need to get away from everything even if just for a few days
Going away is always an option, the lure of travel can be very appealing especially if you crave knowledge and beauty and discover new worlds
I don't know where I'm going with this. There's not a conclusion necessarily, it's more a reflection. An attempt at trying to understand what motivates us, how we can change ourselves, how we can learn and grow.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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