BLOG IN ABSENTIA
Day 3 - What to feel?
So I did not write yesterday, I guess I was too busy, same today...
More likely I didn't know what to write. Because mainly, I don't know what to feel.
Or rather, I'm not feeling much, I'm like a sinking ship that cannot hold water, I seem to be a draining vessel of feelings.
I know what I want to feel, in my head I believe I know what I should be feeling. Consciously I know I should, and I kinda am but I cannot seem to really feel it.
Cryptic so far I know, a friend of mine always accused me of talking in riddles and being all mysterious, I don't mean to it's just the way it comes out sometimes.
I have a very sick friend. I have had news that the sickness is even more serious than at first thought. And I'm sad. But I should be more, I think. I should be I don't really know, I suppose it's one of those situations life cannot prepare you for until it's in front of you, it's impossible to know how you would react.
Admittedly it's not one of my oldest and closest friends. Should that matter? But if it was, would I react the same way?
Regardless, something compels me to be there for whatever needed, a word, a call, a hug. Is it that just basic human decency rather than any deep feeling of friendship?I'm concerned, of course I am.
But not with a great deal of intensity. Does that make me a bad person? Am I devoid of feelings? Have I lost so much human contact that I have lost the ability to know how to feel instinctively? Have I ever had it...? I don't think so, I never would have believed it, but now...
Or is it just... Another symptom of ageing? Was Billy right?
The more we grow the less we feel?
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