I feel myself slipping back.
Into neutral mode.
Nothing makes sense again.
I feel like there is no direction.
Which of course it's rubbish. Nothing has changed. Nothing but me that is.
And so I slip back.
Into a state of lethargy.
I feel as if I am in a mental stupor.
Walking with nowhere to go.
Aimlessly. Is this what repressed feelings do to you? How far and how deep do the scars go? How will the healing begin?
I cannot say I don't feel.
A sort of sadness, a despondency towards life.
Frustration and confusion.
The main words in my mind are most definitely bullshit and why and how.
But I cannot talk about the present. I'm not allowed.
And so I talked about the past.
And I shall write about the past.
In the hope that the past will not come back to censor me.
As someone said, writing the truth about has happened to you is the road to recovery and healing. Since the present is forbidden, I must work through the demons of the past.
The demons of the past do not haunt me as the ones in the present do.
They are not life affecting.
They do not drag me down.
Yet, they are still there.
Hidden, waiting for exposure.
Maybe, it is time to bring them out and cast them forever to the void.