Crap easy food.
Do fuck all when you get home.
Care about nothing.
Numb your brain.
Remove your feelings.
Block it all out.
It's comfortable, it's distracting, it's easy.
It's so very tempting.
Part of me wants it, undeniably.
TV series are just so very good these days.
So easy to give in to temptation.
Another part of me doesn't want it.
It doesn't want to be that person anymore.
But the hurt is great, it has weakened me, my resolve.
I have to fight it. Fight the worst of my nature.
The hurt IS less now. It is getting lesser every day. Some days I no longer cry. Some days several hours go by without me thinking about it.
Bit it's still there. As saudades. The missing. The broken heart. The hard done by feelings. The love that was not enough. The touch that is not more. The beauty I no longer see. The attention I no longer get.
"Sadness will only pass, will only go away, by getting sad. There's no art to it, just time and patience. Remembering, finishing remembering so that you can move on and forget." Something like that. I've read that, I have that text, and I believe in it. I don't want to block it out, I don't want to become that person again.
But it's so hard, it hurts, I cry. So often...
Whatever anyone says believes, I know. I loved. Truly. I did. I do. It doesn't just go away, disappear like that.
I loved, and it wasn't enough.
I love, but it's not enough.