Why write this blog

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It is a way of giving my other self, my unconscious and perhaps artistic self, a way of expressing itself, and thereby helping me working things out. It is somewhat cathartic in a positive way. :)

28 August, 2009

The cat is out of the bag

And it came to pass that in the end I could not keep my big gob shut and the beans were spilt. I am not sure how I feel about it, but I guess a mix of relief and aprehension.
Relief because I do not like to hold feelings in, and having spoken somehow feel better for it. I am Portuguese and we are by nature a very emotional people. Yet I live in England in which people are by nature quite closed in the feelings department and talking about things is frowned upon. I do like to let it out and talk about it and analyse it and recriminate if need be and shout and argue and release the passion that shows I can still feel.
I am also apprehensive as this will prove to be a the point of separation, a new relationship will emerge from this and I don't know if I will be to handle it or will I like what it will become. It is the proverbial leap into the unknown but I fear that it is to be in a place like the purgatory, not quite in hell but with a chance of heaven, all the while waiting in limbo for what is to come, who knows for how long.
I came through and I was upfront. In this world where being frontal and direct and blunt is regarded as impolite, potentially rude, somewhat imprudent or just downright crazy. It certainly does not comply with the rules of modern society and current notions of decorum. I suppose though that that is exactly what I stand for, and that probably makes me strange. My good friend will recall many a discussion we have had about this topic, but I still haven't changed my mind, who wants to be normal anyway?
This way of being and approaching things from an odd angle has taken me to where I am today. At present it is not much but I do have the consolation of not having sold my soul, who know what the future holds in store? I was told by someone once that this particular way of life is what will set me apart from others. Well, ain't that the truth. Whether it is a good thing or not, remains to be seen. To the future and the unknown I await with my soul and principles intact.
Yours truly, I remain, and leave with something that I read :
"O Melancholy, linger here awhile!
  O  Music, Music, breathe despondingly!
O Echo, Echo, from some sombre isle,
   Unknown, Lethean, sigh to us - O sigh!
Spirits in grief, lift up your heads, and smile;
   Lift up your heads, sweet Spirits, heavily,
And make a pale light in your cypress glooms,
   Tinting with silver wan your marble tombs."

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