Why write this blog

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It is a way of giving my other self, my unconscious and perhaps artistic self, a way of expressing itself, and thereby helping me working things out. It is somewhat cathartic in a positive way. :)

30 August, 2009

Through the night 'till dawn

Coffee was drunk, sleep bypassed, words were written somewhere.
One wonders what the long-term impact is of our actions. What one can only do, I suppose, is be true to oneself and hope for the best. One may or may not take risks. Everyone struggles with these kinds of doubts and insecurities. Some people worry so much that they become unable to act, at all, for fear of the unknown.
I have conquered most of my fears, at least of this kind, a long time ago. I tend to act if I feel the need is justified, or if I am prone to do it by my feelings. I have once heard that sometimes it is right to do the wrong thing, and I absolutely agree with that.
Therefore it follows (in a moment of Descartes) that one should always act even if we have a sneaky suspicion that it may be the stupid thing, because regardless, you should do what you feel, and maybe, just maybe, in the long-term it may turn up to have been the right thing.
Or was all that just oxymoronic?
Coffee is needed to ward off the sleep. Words are coming out here.
But it is this duality, and contradiction, and ambiguity that shapes our life and defines who we are. As a species, we are not only smart, but smart enough to be aware that we are smart. It is our greatest gift and our greatest curse. The ultimate double-edged sword of our existence.
Anyway. All this to say that things were said that may have been too deep and too revealing for comfort. It is perhaps best to be left in blissful ignorance sometimes. What is not possible, is to believe and think, that once certain things have come to pass you can go back to the way things were. They never are. Words, and events, and feelings change who you are as a person, and those changes, however minute, imply a behavioural change as a result. It can be imperceptible or it can be very noticeable indeed, and yet, unless you are a great actor you cannot disguise it.
More coffee is being drunk. Will sleep come? Words, however, may not be said again in other places...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

These have been my thoughts of late, how to do what I want? How to do it without hurting other people? How to say certain things that are, for me, unquestionable and how to do it in way that things will go back the way they were?
"Coffee was drunk, sleep bypassed, words written somewhere": this could have been something Tom Waits would write, nice touch!