Why write this blog

My photo
It is a way of giving my other self, my unconscious and perhaps artistic self, a way of expressing itself, and thereby helping me working things out. It is somewhat cathartic in a positive way. :)

06 September, 2009

The moment

How does one know what one feels at any given moment in time? (My lecturers at uni would have been proud of the way I framed that question, completely scientific).
But how do we? I remember discussing with some friends a few weeks back if one could possibly fall in love at first sight, if such a thing even existed. I argued yes, it has happened to me before. But what it is I do know or cannot describe. It might be something that clicks at the back of your mind when you see someone. It can happen straight away or later on, once you know someone for a while, someone for which you have harboured fond feelings for and realise that actually there is more there.
I liken it to "problem-solving". When you are faced with a difficult problem, you cannot answer it no matter how much you look at it, but once you studied it a bit deeper and find out more about it, even if you need research, at some point in that quest the answer will dawn on you and you feel energised and excited. Other times, the same problem can be extremely hard for somebody else, yet you may see the answer straight away, a bit like the Who wants to be a Millionaire quiz in the 8th or 9th stage, when you just know the answer.
Not that I am arguing that feelings work just like thoughts and riddles but they must be similar for they originate in that same complicated and most wonderful of our organs that is the brain.
And so you know. When that happens it can be joyous. You feel like you are alive. I have always understood and completely agreed with Tennyson's adage that "It's best to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". I know because I have lived most of my life without it, but, I have experienced it. And thus I know the difference.
Even though, due to whatever reasons, never having been consummated and or reciprocated. You see, when that happens, you hope that there must be something back form the other person. And it most definitely, there is, how can it not? Unfortunately, it either does not run as deep in them or they haven't yet figured it out. You most likely have a very good friendship. In which case, you can either be patient and wait for their epiphany moment, or be angry and blow it all to smithereens. I have done the latter before, and it wasn't so good.
I do so very much, hate being the Friends Only guy. I have plenty of Friends though, and we have been so for a number of years, which has only strengthened our relationship. CENSORED 


TA said...

It is not pretty to hide a blog from your friends... :)

P said...

Sorry, not intended...It kinda started as a very intimate thing and I have taken to wirte it regularly.