CENSORED. I decided that I am not cut out for waiting. I cannot live my life waiting CENSORED If I can cut off family I can cut off someone I love, or think I love, if not from my emotions altogether at least from my everyday activities and thoughts. After long enough time, it probably won't matter.
But I cannot sit idly waiting for hurt to come to me. So I will move on. A few weeks, maybe days only, ago I didn't want to believe in it and I was content to sit in the shadows and wait. That's not me however. I may be passive at times, even apathetic at times but in that respect. If I think I love someone I will do something about it. Is that because of my romantic view of what a relationship should be like? Of what a man should do for the woman he loves? It doesn't matter, because it is what I believe in. And act I always will.
What I don't believe in is in staying on the side waiting for tidbits of affection and attention. No, that is not good, and it is driving me insane. I rather go through the anguish and the reality of non-corresponded love than the limbo of waiting. CENSORED
CENSORED But I don't think I can. CENSORED or should I just forget, suffer and move on to avoid a more profound and longer suffering?
One of these days it will come to a head. But I shall, resolutely, not be anxious about receiving even the slightest bit of attention, that is not living...
Why write this blog
- P
- It is a way of giving my other self, my unconscious and perhaps artistic self, a way of expressing itself, and thereby helping me working things out. It is somewhat cathartic in a positive way. :)
07 October, 2009
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