Why write this blog

My photo
It is a way of giving my other self, my unconscious and perhaps artistic self, a way of expressing itself, and thereby helping me working things out. It is somewhat cathartic in a positive way. :)

16 October, 2009



Day 2
I was very good. I was determined not to let it affect me.
CENSORED made me stronger and made me fall in love with writing again. I got home and I went running, I felt pleased with myself. That I was able to view it all positively. I was tired, sleep came easily.

CENSORED . I was friendly and "normal" (I hate that word so much, almost as much as "nice"!).

CENSORED The despair, the frustration, the longing. CENSORED  have I really become such a good liar and pretender? Me? That hates lies and deception and dishonesty? Or am I just lying and deceiving myself of late?

Day 3
I stayed at a friends. I feel as if a true friendship is beginning. I value and truly cherish my friends very highly indeed, and it made me happy to feel so welcomed and in the knowledge that these people will probably become part of my very small closed circle of real friends. It is the one true blessing I have in my live.

I went home, I was almost happy I think. It was a new day, I didn't have a hangover, I felt I could cope again, that having new friends will lend something extra to my life. I was watching telly, I was enjoying a great episode of Chuck. I jumped. I banged my head hard in the ceiling partition between the lounge and the kitchen. Split my head open, there was a lot of blood. Had to go hospital, luckily I didn't pass out, I was all alone in the house. Only me, I always do stupid things like that. Even unconsciously I do not allow myself even a few moments of happiness...

I came back home. CENSORED

CENSORED As Sang once told me, the broken are looking for something in men like that that I will never fully comprehend or have. Not that I desire to, but it seems quite unfair on the whole that they can attract beautiful people like that CENSORED

Yet the fact remains. CENSORED 

Day 4



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P said...

Not quite sure what you mean to be honest...